Sometimes you get them, sometimes they get you
by Aldea Donder
Summary: the best Mash story
1. Chapter 1

Hawkeye looked down into the bloody gash in his patient's abdomen. He  
>reached in and pulled out some intestine and started to work on<br>getting some shrapnel out. Suddenly Radar burst into the operating  
>room. "Hawkeye I just got some mail from your Dad!" Radar exclaimed.<br>"Radar, now is not the time to be delivering the mail!" Hawkeye  
>exclaimed. "But sir, this is pretty important, you should probably<br>open it now." Radar exclaimed. "Ok, nurse finish this up for me."  
>Hawkeye exclaimed.<p>

Hawkeye took the package back to his tent and sat down on the bed.  
>Suddenly Honeycut came in through the door. "Hey Hawkeye, what you got<br>there?" Honeycut exclaimed. "Oh it's a package from my dad, I was just  
>about to open it." Hawkeye exclaimed. Hawkeye grabbed a scalpal and<br>ripped through the packaging. Just as he was about to open it, Radar  
>came bursting through the door.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

"Hawkeye, we have an emergency. General Butler has come to the base," Radar exclaimed.

"General Butler! Here! This is bad," Hawkeye exclaimed.

"If General Butler sees the camp in such a state of disarray, he will send all of us to the brig," Radar exclaimed.

"We need to make the camp seem better than it actually is in order to trick the general. But first, I would like to open this package to see what my dad has sent me," Hawkeye lamented.

Radar left and Hawkeye picked up the scalpel and sliced gingerly through the packaging. Soon the packaging was shed on the floor, like the shed skin of a snake which is shedding, exposing a delicate cardboard box. The box was sealed shut with packaging tape. Taking the scalpel in his hand, Hawkeye cut through this too. Then he set to the task of opening up the box. There were four flaps in total. First he opened the two flaps on the top, then he opened the two flaps beneath the two flaps on the top. Then he turned the box upside down and shaked it until its contents came tumbling out. Inside of the box was a walkie-talkie. There was also a note.

The note said, "Hawkeye, I bought this walkie-talkie from a man in a store. The man said it was a magic walkie-talkie that allows its owner to communicate with dead spirits. I didn't believe him at first, but after I left I came back the next day and the store had vanished. Therefore I am sending you this walkie-talkie because you are at war and could probably make much better use of it than I ever can."


	3. Chapter 3

Hawkeye stashed the walkie-talkie away in his surgical bag before  
>Honeycut could catch a glimpse of it. "C'mon Honeycut, I'm going to<br>need your help if we're going to fool General Butler" Hawkeye  
>exclaimed.<p>

Hawkeye and Honeycut moved toward the door of the tent. The tent was  
>made of a green canvas material with several windows in each side. The<br>windows were covered by a mesh-like material to keep unwanted Korean  
>insects from entering unwantedly. The door of the tent was nothing<br>more than a flap of canvas that draped down with 13 snaps down one  
>side to keep it in place when closed. Hawkeye thrust his arm forward,<br>pushing the canvas flap out of the way enabling him to exit the tent  
>easily. Honeycut followed right behind him, like a young child<br>following his parents through a crowded supermarket.

"What's your plan Hawk?" Honeycut exclaimed. "First, we're going to  
>need a lot of whiskey" Hawkeye said excitedly. Hawkeye and Honeycut<br>sulked quickly toward the Officer's Lounge to talk to Ed the  
>bartender.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Hawkeye was quite surprised when he arrived at the Officer's Lounge. A long line of people was lined up outside of the building in a long line which stretched around to the other side of the building. With a look of anger on his face, he reached down deep into his pants and extracted his revolver, raised it up into the air at an angle of 57.9°, and pulled the trigger. The camp was filled with a loud noise, which sounded remarkably like a gunshot. Most of the people in the line ran away, clearing the way for Hawkeye and Honeycut to enter.

"What's going on in here?" Hawkeye demanded as he stomped into the Officer's Lounge.

Hawkeye was amazed at what he saw. The Officer's Lounge was filled with clowns and animals! One of the clowns walked over to Hawkeye. Hawkeye was entranced by his big red nose.

"Why have you scared away our audience?" exclaimed the clown.

"First thing's first. Who are you and what are you doing here?" Hawkeye exclaimed.

"I'm Bobo the Clown, and this is my traveling circus! We are here to perform for the camp!" Bobo said exasperatedly.

"The circus has come to camp on the same day as General Butler! How are we supposed to cover this up?" Honeycut moaned.


End file.
